Socially Disconnected

I was attempting to watch Jimmy Fallon at home to observe how the experience of the late-night TV show would hold up without an audience. I was also looking to get some inspiration for how I could arrange my video interviews. Have any of you watched an episode? Maybe it was just the episode I watched, so I don’t want to be too judgy about it, but this particular episode had me cringing. His jokes were awkward without an audience to laugh or feed off of. It wasn’t the weirdly funny awkwardness of The Office tv series, but more of a pitiful awkwardness like a poor performance at America’s Got Talent. 

It got me thinking about how audiences aren’t just accessories—they are connection points. Having people gathered together brings a desire out of us to communicate or perform in a way that garners their support. If it’s a positive experience, you begin to feel that around you. When that chemistry is there, it brings a certain energy into the place that acts like a magnet for everyone who gets close to the action. It’s hard for a person, no matter how charismatic they are, to be by themselves and create the same type of atmosphere that gets produced by groups of invigorated people. 

Now think about how that plays out when we attempt to live out our lives without considering our connection points or support systems. When we are miles away from feedback, we sometimes do the most cringy things. When we aren’t having people hear what we are thinking or seeing their faces when we’re acting out some kind of behavior, we can be easily deceived that we are doing it well. We can be deceived into thinking we are more entertaining than we really are, more rational than we really are, more skilled than we really are, or doing more good than we really are. It’s pretty bad when we don’t have people around. 

I know we are living in a time where we are forced to keep our distance, but there are ways around that, right? When something is important to us, we will find a way to make it happen. Whether that is going through a back alley to get a haircut or getting on the Hangout app or a Zoom account to see people’s faces to schedule time to meet together.

The episodes of our lives are being played out every day. We need an audience of people around us who care about what is happening as each episode takes place. If those people are not laughing at what we think is funny it might be because it’s not funny to watch you live that way. If those people are not clapping at what we think is a great accomplishment it might be because you’re not really accomplishing anything that brings any value to yourself or others. You won’t be able to tell much without an audience around you. Social distancing shouldn’t lead us into social disconnections, and if it does, we will know because whenever we do happen to take a glimpse back at our life decisions during those times it will make us cringe.

Game changers are the worst

Many people could barely handle even watching “The Last Dance”, a documentary on the Chicago Bulls dynasty with Michael Jordan. If you dreamed of being on a winning team like the Chicago Bulls in the 90s, sooner or later you would conclude that it would be hard to handle. In doing some research, I’ve noticed that the highest performers and most capable players are not automatically friendly or nice with others. This comes from a drive within themselves that isn’t derived from nice feelings; they tend to build a tension within themselves that drives their outward performance. Most of us have settled to get ourselves to a comfortable place. What goes on inside the minds of most ‘settlers’ is goal-setting, not the angst of a tension-building competitor.

From what I’ve gathered from my research, people like Michael Jordan, Winston Churchill, Tom Brady, and Steve Jobs are seen as intense, often rude, and hard to deal with people. It’s only in retrospect that people see them as legendary geniuses. Forward-thinkers are often seen as "the worst". Our ideals of making a difference or doing something remarkable can be a picture painted in the most peaceful way. We often have dreams surrounded by this soft glow, so it’s no wonder when the reality of what it takes to move things forward ends up being more like a harsh light, one that the average person is unable to handle. They quit, they whine, and they throw shade. 

Another observation is that these forward thinkers didn’t have a lot of people around them because they were so mission-driven. They both needed and didn’t need people, if that makes sense. They had their own internal drive that they found different ways to fuel. Because they weren’t people-driven, but self-driven, they could have a low tolerance towards others. That might be part of why people don’t always get the best vibes from them; they are so vision-focused that people feel secondary. 

I don’t write this for the insensitive, unaverage, champion-level forward thinker. I am writing this to the people who might want to be a part of greatness, but who may not be mentally prepared for what they might find. The average individual has a strength in being more people-sensitive and caring inwardly about what they do—that is a good thing. They are that necessary heart that an intense forward-thinker needs in their orbit. I don’t want to suggest that average, caring people are not forward-thinking. I believe they are. It’s just the radical game-changers that have slightly different characteristics that make them who they are. And I don’t want to excuse the rude and harsh behavior that often stings the people who are a part of the journey with them. They should do better and be better to others. I just want to provide an understanding that game-changing forward-thinkers can be detrimental for your self-esteem but the best thing to happen to a sport or enterprise that you have had the privilege to be a part of.

I have time for that

Normally, people comment on what they don’t have time for. It’s usually things that they are too annoyed about to specifically address. Understanding the importance of time can revamp our thinking when we come to this realization. This new way of thinking may see us make a to-do list or set goals that give us much needed direction in our daily lives in order to make the most of our time. Think about it; all of us have been given the same amount of time in our day, yet all around us people are using their time differently. Some will feel like they have wasted their day, and others will hold their arms in the air like they just bossed their day.

So, what should you have time for? Making your time count is something we should all take some time to think about. If I want to enjoy life, I don’t think wasting time is the way to go about it. A time waster could be overdoing it on the entertaining things on our digital devices. A time waster could also be responding to every urgent thing others put on you to do. Start making time to think about your time, and what you would like your life to look like a month from now. 

Time spending tips: 

You should have time to personally develop yourself in a healthy way. A good book, a podcast, an article—any intentional educational learning experience is something beneficial you can spend your time on. 

You should have time to eat the right things in your day. The right kind of diet can add to your lifespan.

You should have time for spiritual progression. Specifying a time in your day to meditate on truth and connect with God will be worth every undistracted moment you spend. 

You should have time to create something that serves others in some meaningful way. Cooking a delicious meal, doing a small house or work project, or even organizing photos. Giving your time to invest in others will come back to bless you. 

You should have time to keep your financial life in order. Paying off debts, decreasing your spending, creating a robust savings account, investing in worthwhile ventures, and so on. 

You should have time to care for your personal relationships. Being together to catch up on what’s happening in another person’s world is important in maintaining healthy relationships. 

These things that we take time for should carry strong values, ones that can be positively transferred to the next generation. Our time well spent turns the time we cherish into timeless blessings. I hope that the time you took to read this shapes how you use your time in the right way.

Are you a Sorry Person?

I had just turned around for a second to set one child down, but by the time I turned around to resume the game I was playing with them, it was too late. The other child went crashing to the ground in front of me before I could do anything. We were playing the game where I catch them as they jump from the top of the stairs into my arms. I could see in the child’s eyes as I scooped them off the floor and into my arms that they were shocked that I didn’t catch them. I felt horrible. Although the child wasn’t physically hurt, I knew it was the pain of “I trusted you and you dropped me” that I saw in their eyes. Not only did I feel horrible, but I started to think of how this could happen and what I needed to do differently if I wanted to earn their trust again. Being sorry was an understatement. I was mortified.

I’ve noticed a growing group of people in the world; that group is made up of people who are sorry a lot. They are sorry for what they said, or how they acted, or for that thing that happened to someone else -- or that they got caught. They are ‘Sorry People’. It’s rare to find people who are not sorry, but they are out there as well. I think it shows heart when people are sorry. It shows they feel bad about something. But sorry doesn’t change anything. Well, maybe I should say sorry doesn’t really change anything in the long-term.

If you want to change for the better from something that went wrong it’s going to take more. I’d like to present to you a familiar concept for the faith community, though it’s extremely rare even in the faith community to see it practiced. It’s the concept of repentance. Simply stated, it means to change one’s mind or to turn from going further in a certain direction. What may look like repentance can often be just a person feeling sorry. It can be hard to tell at first whether a person is just sorry or if they are repentant. So we just give it some time. Time allows for us to see how they sustain the actions that go into being repentant. 

Tripping your friend as they walk by you can be funny. But when that friend hurts themselves we feel bad (at least I hope we do). Saying sorry is our reaction. We learn nothing if we go right back to tripping them two days later. Repentance changes our mind about tripping our friends so much so that we keep our foot from extending itself. We change our mind about tripping being worth the risk of hurting someone we care about. We learn from our mistake by making up our mind that we don’t want to be known as Jack the Tripper (that’s a little jokey joke).

‘Sorry People’ live in a cycle of misery. They don’t understand why they keep doing what they don’t like to do, yet they only realize they don’t like to do it every time it affects them or others negatively. Prior to that, it’s almost like they forget how their sorry actions would be received. Repentance causes us to alter behavior long before we are tempted to give into that behavior. The power in repentance is that it breaks the miserable cycle. Sorry is short-term guilt. Repentance is key to long-term health and transformation from our temporary trip ups.

"He's a human"

Watching the video gone viral of George Floyd I heard an unseen young man plead with the officer “He is human”.

It is with a saddened heart that I want to share with you my thoughts on the ongoing racial tension and human injustice that is happening around us.

Why are these events and others like it are heart-rending and horrifying to us? 

Because when the people assigned to help us seem to be the ones out to hurt us we are left confused. Compounded on that is when the decision to hurt us seems to be connected to our ethnic differences leaving us to feel like we are wearing a target that we can never remove. 

Much has been said but it hasn’t brought the change they were hoping for. Although we are experiencing it on a human level I don’t believe we can solve it at a human level. We cannot let this injustice of George Floyd or others be hijacked by a political agenda. This might be hard to see or understand but we must move it beyond even making it solely about race. If we are going to champion change we must recognize the only race is the Human race. If our perspective and language only focuses on our differences we have left out a diversity of people who want to be a part of the solution.

What do we do? 

We must begin with the heart. The emotions of grief should not be moved past too quickly. The sin of killing another human life is traumatizing. No matter what ethnicity, that person is one of our brothers who was helpless, pleading for his life. We feel it because we are human, because he is human. 

During or after the initial grief I think it is of vital importance that we turn towards heaven. We cry out to our heavenly Father who also happened to be a righteous judge. We look to the Lord for guidance, comfort, and justice when it appears to be missing from our earthly situation. We get specific and real with what we are hurt by and now let Him enter into our pain. And He will.

I believe the Lord will hear our cry and begin to put things in place. Either He will use your sincere hearted prayer to raise someone up or He will call on you to rise up. I believe part of that rising up means engaging the powers that be in the land and the invisible enemies as well. 

Don’t let yourself be taken advantage of by fear and anger. All that does is create more division.  Suspicion and feelings of guilt cause greater chasms and instead of working together to bring about significant change, those who seek to harm another person for any reason goes unseen and undealt with because division makes our efforts ultimately powerless.  

I understand that people are vexed and want to make their frustration public. While it might not be beneficial in the long run this is still their cry for help. This cycle is something I don’t believe people can break without God. 

Many attempts are made to bring societal change or justice. When the attempts are guided by the Lord they have the whole of humanity in mind and reach the generations yet to come. There isn’t a political solution we should be seeking but one that comes from heaven. A biblical solution that heals and shapes policies that can, yes, be orchestrated through political means. The source of mending what is torn is as important as what we are mending. If our source is heaven the promise is that our land will be healed.  

William Wilberforce and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. are two key figures that are historical examples of reforming culture in the worst of times. What they had in common was that their conviction came from the word of God and their source of wisdom and strength came from the Lord. 

George Floyd was a person and so much more. He was someone’s son, someone’s brother, someone’s mentor, someone’s friend, and someone’s father.

I end with this. Let your tears flow. Let your tears be shared with one another. Let heaven mingle all of our tears together with our Lord. God has given the earth to man but let’s let Him know that we cannot do this without Him. We’ve tried everything and everyone else now is the time to find out why Jesus Christ is called Savior.

Although my heart is saddened I am hopeful that together we can find a way.