The casualties in crisis
Perfectly imperfect, seems to be the best way of describing how we are handling the hardships we are all experiencing. For every one we are trying to help there are others who we are not helping. For every word spoken that blesses someone, those same words offend another.
I have never watched an action movie where the hero, who was trying to eliminate the villain achieved this without some car smashed, property damaged or people hurt. No matter how well-intentioned or well planned a course of action is to help people there are always casualties in crisis.
God is perfect in all His ways. There’s no doubt that He is the only one who has the power to do everything the way that everyone would prefer. And yet, he chooses to use fallible human vessels to be an extension of his hands and his feet on the earth. He sends imperfect people with a variety of experiences and perspectives, to move towards pain, problems and crisis. Why would he do this, knowing full well that even with the best intentions people can bless some and disappoint others?
Love is what compels us to move regardless of our shortcomings. It is love that is able to see that while I might not be doing everything perfectly, if I am doing things from a place of love then I have to trust that at the end of it all it will be better. Love covers a multitude of sin. I’m not talking about blatant purposeful sin. I mean, the kind that shows up out of our humanity. The stupid things we say and do, especially in our effort to be a part of the solution.
That’s why we should make sure we walk humbly in all things. In humility we will be able to learn from our mistakes and approach others’ mistakes with a gracious posture.
Humility knows that we don’t see it all, know it all or can do it all. It’s only by God’s grace that we are even able to do the things we do. His grace alone enables the natural man to do supernatural things.
I know I have felt that I am not good enough, and that my best decisions are still imperfect. Not everybody is pleased with me. Honestly, that takes its toll on the heart. Sometimes I want to surrender to the hopelessness that taunts me with the words “why even try to do anything if it won’t mean anything to someone out there?”. When I get my eyes off of me and others and look up higher to the Lord I enter into a place of rest where I am unconditionally loved. That humbles me so that I am filled with courage and that enables me to love others, even if it’s not always perfect.
I know I am not always pleasing to God and if I’m really honest, I dont always feel like what He is doing is pleasing to me but I remind myself, in moments like these, that while I don’t always understand God’s purpose I am secure that His heart is for me.
The most perfect response we can have is LOVE. Although we will not please everyone, and that there are times when there will be casualties in crisis, we can rest assured that He is good all the time, He is in complete control and He will work all things for our good.
PTSD in ministry
It was the usual yearly trip that I take to get away from the hustle of ministry in order to clear my head and envision the future of the church I lead. This trip became something else when I started to realize how hard it was for me to feel connected to the Lord. I was there more mentally, but I quickly discovered that the time was feeling empty. There was a book I started to read and in that book, I was astounded at how God was being depicted. What astonished me was that the state that I was in altered my nature from the nature of God that I had fallen in love with. Then it hit me like a left hook. I was in the Kingdom but far from the King. So I would like to write a few words concerning the reason for the disconnect.
I’ve come to the realization that as I helped many people through family disappointments, people in and out of their lives, betrayal, let downs, the unexpected, and their heartbreaks and how those things had affected them, I totally neglected to let the Lord tend to the garden of my soul. Through this neglect, weeds had populated the garden and were choking out the relationships that were still there. I noticed that dreams that were once upright and strong were wilting and my trust in people was off color. My faith was losing focus.
The Lord was showing me that I was suffering from PTSD in ministry. I didn’t think that was a thing but sure enough as I examined what the signs of Trauma were…
Shock, denial, or disbelief.
Confusion, difficulty concentrating.
Reliving a traumatic event, including nightmares, flashbacks, and memories caused by triggers
Anger, irritability, mood swings.
Exaggerated startled response
Anxiety and fear.
Difficulty falling or staying asleep
Guilt, shame, self-blame.
Withdrawing from others.
Avoiding situations that are reminiscent of a traumatic event
Feeling sad or hopeless.
Negative changes in beliefs and feelings
Feeling disconnected or numb.
Self-destructive behavior
…I concluded I had it.
The knowing part was half the battle. I would have to invite Holy Spirit into the pain and anger. Tears were the evidence of my heart melting. I felt safe that I could trust God when everyone else was suspect. Then I began to realize that I’m probably not the only one that has had traumatic experiences that seem normal. There are probably others like me that have a high pain threshold, that can keep walking and not appear to have anything wrong. You might be one of those, like me, who knows how to run faster than the demons that try to haunt you. It’s only when you slow down enough to be real with God and yourself that you realize that you are not faster than you thought. And like me, you come to admit that you were not meant to outrun them but were meant to overcome them. I am better for the heart check. The healing that comes to exposed wounds is part of being reminded that our God is good. A goodness I want to be able to reflect in all that I do. This nature of God can’t come from the head it must be experienced in the heart. PTSD can be turned into an extreme situation to experience the goodness of God if you let yourself be ministered to in the places that ministry has caused trauma.
3 types of people that are attracted to your anointing; SUCKERS, PULLERS & PUSHERS
If you've ever planned on taking a trip somewhere you know how important it is to investigate what's around where you're going. You check out the attractions, things to do and places to eat. You can better prepare for where you are going when you do the research. There are also things you might be warned of that can keep you from headaches later on. Being anointed and flowing in that anointing is a trip. We don’t always have the luxury of having a personal tour guide for walking out our anointing in the real world, especially when we first start out. I thought of somethings that might be helpful for the "budding" follower of Christ who is called to work with people which is pretty much all of us. Below I have 3 types of people who are attracted to the anointing for entirely different reasons. I put together these brief descriptions to help you identify who’s who and what’s what.
Suckers are people who just want to take from you but are unreliable in their contribution to anything you do. Suckers don't see your time as precious so your world must stop for them when they call on you. They are always having an emergency. Drama is the only thing they attract and want to ask you to help them once they’ve exhausted all other means. They drain you emotionally and make you feel like you don't know anything because they tell you they've already tried the advice you just gave them and it didn't work. Suckers just want attention not direction. To them, you're a vomit bag not a sounding board.
Pullers see what you carry and will honor it until it pours out of you. They get nervous that they might waste the opportunity of their questions and your insight never meeting. Pullers are mentally taking notes and storing them in folders that get stored in their heart. They don’t exhaust you emotionally, however, you feel power being expended because of how they have positioned themselves to receive. They give you the space to air your heart. The only reason they pull out their mobile devices is to take notes or record what you’re sharing.
Pushers are a different breed. They have something to give but use their energy to draw on your potential thereby contributing to what would add to what you are called to do. They identify what is missing, incomplete or could use reinforcement and use their gift to compliment you in those areas. Pushers want to discover you further, to put wind in the sails towards your destination because they want to see you succeed. Pushers are a physical manifestation of the cloud of witnesses in heaven that cheer you on in the right direction. Pushers invigorate your efforts. They polish what’s been tarnished by the sucker’s disregard for what you carry and what the pullers touched when you gave them access. Pushers elevate your anointing and open doors to rooms they have access to and tables they would like you seated at. Suckers are common, Pullers are rare but are around and Pushers are the rarest.
I am not going to detail how each one should be treated because I think you are smart enough to figure that out. I’ll just say this; Suckers will always be there so pray for what your approach should be so they will not be given the opportunity to drain you or others. The hope is to see them become sucker free so enjoy pullers and honor pushers. The anointing deserves to be cared for therefore keep in mind the more your anointing grows in influencing others the more attractive it becomes.
Alignment for your assignment
Right alignments are crucial to your assignment. I have said this numerous times to people who seem to be doing everything right, with limited results, and overwhelming challenges. The same way we were not meant to walk out our faith without the fellowship of other faithful’s, we are not meant to be in authority without aligning with authority figures in our lives. I can understand that abuse has happened to some people so they disregard the need of something based on their experience. This is dangerous because if our experiences inform what we believe then our truth will never transcend what we have known.
I would like to help people come into this blessed place of alignment. I realize it is not as easy as it sounds for a number of reasons. I have two ways on how to go about finding and aligning with authority over your life. My target audience for this is those in lead ministry positions who are thinking about this for their life or for the life of their ministry. It’s one thing to be convinced you need it and it’s another to know how to go about it. I want to share how to do the latter.
Two things you should be on the look-out for:
1. Relational compatible
2. Vision compatibility
Relational compatible is determined by interaction. It’s when I am hanging out with a person talking and connection happens. Let’s put it this way, I get them or get the way they are. There is a resonating that comes from how they are with me and how they receive me. I don’t look for them to be exactly like I am in personality or gifting’s. I let the intuition of our interaction help me. This is heart level stuff. Do I feel safe around them? Would I trust them around my family? Things like that. There’s a social component that I’m getting the right vibes from. They don’t need to be my best friend or totally relatable. In fact, because of their level of authority, I don’t expect to be so chummy with them. The principles in which they live are what I befriend.
Vision compatibility is more of the brain level stuff. Here is where they share and I listen for key phrases and practices that they mention. I will examine the fruit of their work. I look to see if there is commonality in the direction they are going. I ask questions about where they’ve been, where they are, and where they are going. It’s through these inquiries where I learn how they think. When I feel like there is only a clear frequency and no static in what they are sharing that tells me we have vision compatibility.
Wrong alignments for me have resulted in delays in mission, obligations to one another that feel uneasy and benefits that seem to only go one way. I’ve learned I can be friends, fellowship and partner with people without having to align myself to them. The right alignments result in sharing our strengths with one another, each wanting to see the other become successful and everyone’s clear about the part they play so the pressure to perform is lifted because relational trust rules.
I have been putting a list together of what has come about in my life and the life of our church since being aligned with the right people. The list includes sitting at tables with people I would have not met on my own, prospering in ways that we were not prospering before that and doors being opened. The list goes on. Alignment makes it so that what is flowing from the head comes onto the beard. The beard speaks of having the maturity to grow. What a good picture of what alignment is. Alignment is maturity to connect with headship like a beard does to the hair on head of a high priest leader.
Lessons I learned in the dark
Alone in the dark is where I found myself. Outside on a swing at the local playground and nobody was in sight or in ear shot. There I was contemplating where I was in life. I thought coming all this way to Holland Michigan would bring me a fresh start and perspective. A family had graciously allowed me to stay at their house to get away from my home in Philadelphia Pennsylvania. There I was worlds away from anything familiar and being indoors all day, surrounded by a quiet community of condos, wasn’t something I was used to. The noise of city life was far from me. I had taken some books to read which dealt with unforgiveness and searching for significance. Both had proven to expose where I was. This overwhelmed my 18 year old brain as I just graduated high school and I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life. A youth leader that I was very close to had just committed suicide and I was still recuperating from a toxic relationship. At this point I had recommitted my life to Jesus but I still felt lost.
I didn’t know it then but what I would learn would be foundational to staying the course many years later. One of the things I learned was how to stick it out when no one else was looking. My parents weren’t over my shoulder coaching me to become a man of God. I wrestled with God myself to discover who He called me to be. Without any of my friends around to impress I dug deep and tears flowed when God showed me that unforgiveness lived in my heart towards people. I learned to forgive during that time. There were also other pains of rejection and insecurities that I saw in the reflection of my soul.
I tried to find significance in places and people who I would show a pseudo version of myself because I wanted to be excepted. It was in the dark places where I discovered the shadows in my identity that haunted me during my days. I didn’t realize it during the time but this was a reconstruction time. I only knew that I was devastated at how alone I was and how corrupted I felt. I stood my ground in that park thousands of miles away from home and asked God to do whatever he had to do to make me a man worthy to serve him for the rest of my days. I welcomed the suffering of sanctification and I determined that I would forsake all others as long as He never left my side. Although I was never a great student I was passing the most important test of life which was the testing of my faith.
Today I am able to stay faithful when tragedy strikes because of that day. Today I can stand alone for what I believe when others seem to run in the opposite direction. Today I can forgive people without someone telling me because of that day. Today I can find significance in who I am in Christ because of that day. Today I can be alone in the dark and know that brighter days are ahead of me because of what God did with me on that day miles away from everyone I knew.